Introspection

Its 00:04, thats what the digital clock at the bottom right corner of my laptop says. I believe it. So its already Monday. A few more hours, and I'll be at office, at my cabin, staring at my machine like a frigging professional, cos thats what we all are supposed to be, irrespective of what we actually are. And suddenly, at this odd hour, when the city is busy preparing for a slumber to freshen up its mind for the long week ahead, I am strangely reminded of a movie that I saw couple of years ago - Little Miss Sunshine. A quirky, delirious, offbeat, bittlerly sarcastic, humorous, utterly black comedy. A dysfunctional family, comprising of unforgettably atypical characters - a motivational speaker who fails to motivate himself, a gay suicidal genius, a Nietzchean who has taken a vow not to speak, a junkie profane grandfather, a confused, irate and restless mother, a bespectacled girl trying to compete in a reality show for kids called "little miss sunshine" - who decide to bury the hatchet and undertake a cross-country trip to the venue where the event is to be held. I'm not a member of a dysfunctional family. But the sketch of an ordinary family at trouble with itself isn't a hard thing to find, and for some reason is refusing to leave my mind. The characters, too, for reasons unknown to me, are hovering in my mind. Maybe because I too have a lot of peculiarities like them. Maybe I too am searching for an identity inspite of all its futility, hopelessness and unnecessity. I'm not suicidal, gay, motivational, irate, profane, junkie, etc etc. Yet each of the characters seem to represent some being or other of mine. And perhaps, the cross-country trip has striked somewhere deep inside me to begin my journey. I, perhaps like any other person on this planet, comprise of states, thoughts, rationalities, beings, each in contrast to the other, at times even in conflict with the others. A dysfunctional array of alter egos trying to bury the hatchet and undertake a journey to recover their existense, to find a collective identity. I'm not suffering from any personality disorder, I'm not a troubled and disturbed mental hotch-potch. But i'm not trouble free either. I have my difficulties, wounds, guilts. I dont intend to be perfect, for in imperfection and gray I identify myself. Perhaps thats why images from the movie are visiting me. Perhaps thats why I'm speaking banter while the lazy Sunday is melting into the industrious Monday. Time to take a nap. Thats one thing I've realized, the easiest way to get rid of your demons, blues and all that shit, is to got to sleep. Though it never cleans up the mess, at least it washes away everything from the surface. Looks thus continue to be deceptive.